[x]

To my male halfYou’re the Ash to my Pikachu,
the lenses to my frames.
Whenever the world’s gone mad,
your laugh takes away the pain.

Nerds must stick together,
like paper and glue.
I must have had good karma,
since I chanced upon finding you.

Through all the inside jokes,
and those awkward looks we get,
I’m fairly certain people think we’re crazy;
we’d be better off staying silent, I bet.

But where’s the fun in that?
Eccentric is simply what we’re meant to be!
These fools clearly cannot understand
how entertaining it is to be you and me.

So here’s to you, my dear friend;
my fellow forever Pokémon Tr

There was a lad named Chaos who live in the North

There was a lad named Chaos who lived upon the north.
Some days upon a bicycle, he would sally forth.
The cat and dog would look at him with a wistful grin,
And sneak into the fridge and fix a Mickey Finn.
“I’ll be so cross without a trout,” Dizzy twitched her tail.
And little Jenny sat and sighed, “Where’s that Russian borzoi boyfriend for me named Mikhail?”
Off he toodled far and wide on his tiny rims,
Mermaids and troll he did search on a mirthful whim.
Down the cliffs he fell and bounced, like a rubber ball,
Luckily he landed on his head to break the spinning fall.
“Curse you, trolls!” he sa

Strange ThoughtsOne day just like any other,
I found myself laying in my bed,
all kinds of strange & crazy thoughts going through my head.
How can horses & dragons also be flies?
Could lions really be fish?
Was it nature, or did both these creatures emerge
from a child's demented wish?

Was there ever such a thing as a crippled dinosaur?
Did cavemen ever swim?
Were dogs ever butlers,
tending to their owner's every whim?
Could mice ever play basketball?
Could a tarantula ride a bike?
Were cats ever not lazy
& actually had a few people they liked?

Could an elephant ever go cartsurfing?
Would wolves ever sing karaoke?
Were turtles ever unrestrained by their b

Cake ObsessionThere is a house magnificent
With marble floors and satin drapes;
Yet the owner has a bad temperament
Which twisted his face into ugly shapes.

His life was filled with loneliness
He knew he made a mistake
To prefer work over love
He had missed his mother's cake.

He does little work yet he earns gold;
Yet if you watch his life unfold,
You'll see the pain he had as a child
Because his plans of stealing cake were defiled.

His past was filled with nonstop pain
And seconds passed in sheer disdain
Because his sister stole his cake
And threw it into a murky lake.

Evil plans are strolling his mind
All for the cake, so he could find.
He took the k

Maine: A LimerickMaine: The Land of Snow and Tractors -
where the Shotguns are plenty and the Teeth are few,
where the Men are Men and the Women are too.

Oh Lonely TomatoOh lonely tomato
so juicy, so red
I watched you sit alone
on your cold hard bed
your bed made of marble
a contrasting grey
Oh shiny tomato
i hate to see you this way

You stand out, tomato
amongst the kitchen things
your companion is the "happy mug"
which once thought it had wings
so it flew from the counter
but landed with a crash
and now its edge is chipped
but at least it didnt smash

Oh lonely tomato
you look so red and sweet
I think I'll pick you up
'cause I want something to eat
Oh lonely tomato
now you are no more
and you were too acidic
so you made my belly sore

goodbye tomato
farewell my friend
now you are eaten
and this is the end.

Ways of WalkenThe path of Walken is mysterious.
With many twists and turns.
For there's so much that awaits for you.
Follow me and you will see.

I invented a program.
To bring out your Inner Walken.
It is a simple hypnosis program.
Trigger is cowbell.

Ever wanted to be Walken?
Ever wanted to get over your fear of him?
Then this program is the thing.
The key to curing your Walkenphobia.

But beware.
I must warn you that..
That once you go Walken.
You can't go back.
And you won't be able to.

It is a slippery slope of no return
When to Walken's ways and face you turn.
Your wish will be forever true
You will be Chris and no more you...
Cowbell. Tink Tink T

.: Sleep! :.

Sleep, oh wonderful and refreshing sleep,
How skillfully evasive thou can be.
Sleep, oh how I yearn for refreshing sleep,
But thou still refuseth to come to me.
At times I close these tired eyes of mine,
And immediately fall aslumber.
Yet sometimes I start to lose track of time,
And still my wakefulness does not crumble.
I beggingly beseech thee, oh great sleep.
Please do come to rescue me from this woe.
How deeply I yearn for thee, oh great sleep,
My desire for thee continues to grow.
Sleep! What a mighty and powerful name!
Sleep! In lacking thee there's nothing to gain!

Minya's just a little tyke....

Atomic monsters breathing fire
Don’t wake them up and rouse their ire.
Minya’s just a little tyke,
Covers miles with a little hike.
Atomic smoke rings are his thing,
Practicing to be the monster king.
Anguirus, Mothra, Rodan, and Manda,
I’ve yet to see a radioactive panda.
Godzilla’s Revenge we will NOT discuss,
Don’t make me mad and start a fuss.
I miss poor Minya, he’s really cute.
To hug him would be a mighty hoot.
But I’d be kinda squished.
Not exactly something you’d have wished.
The Kamacuras are coming near…
…it time to run and hide in fear!

FairiesDew drops have gathered on
Glasses of wine,
Smelling of spring where the
Fairies have dined.
Twilight’s unfriendliness
Scours the trees,
Stealing their dreams in the
Coldness of screams.
Beasts of the shadows now
Clamber ashore
From rivers that demons have
Come from before.
Teeth shine like knives and
Blood is then spilt,
Quenching the thirst of
Lucifer’s hilt….

I thought I’d write
A lovely poem
About some fairies and gnomes,
But this is what happens
When I’m stuck on a weekend at home.

Walken Chant RepriseAt first I was shocked.
I didn't know what to do.
Because becoming Walken.
Was too good to be true.
I thought it would be scary.
Maybe even a little strange.

I took the slippery road of no return.
To the ways of Walken I did turn.
And then my wish and dreams came true.
I am Chris..and no more me.
But there's nothing else i'd like to be.

And to think..
That it started with a Walken fan, a computer program..
And a cowbell.
Tink tink..tink.

The Basket CaseThe Basket Case
Humorous

The white coats are coming now
I hear the clinking of a key
They draw so near that i can hear
I know they are coming for me
My body is aching every day
My mind is tired and stressed
Lock me up in my bedroom
And then we will all be blessed

La Classe Liberata, Parte 13Giunser in poco alle nevi perenni,
Marco alla guida perché egli la strada
pel rifugio sapeva. Così, indenni,
in una grotta, sguainata la spada,
entraron circospetti: .

Luce scorsero in fondo alla grotta:
era d'un fuoco a una donna vicino
urlò con voce rotta
Marco che riconobbe il volto fino.
Ma la strega iniziò lesta la lotta:
era nascosta dentro un anfrattino
e da lì uscì non appena sentì
il grido con cui Marco si tradì.

Pronti i nostri sguainarono le lame,
Enea anche trasse fuor un pugnale,
per uccider quella donna infame
che era Timiditas, strega del male.
Come fiere che abbiano m

He's wearing a dressI'm gone tonight
Playing in the wilderness
While back in town
My lover's trying on a dress

I'm dancing in the evening rain
It's soaking me to my skin
While my lover's playing beauty queen
With a silly boyish grin

I'm gone tonight
Thinking of my lover's ways
And all the while he's dancing
In his weird dressy ways

PillowPillow, sweet pillow,
I lay down my head
To see you this night
While wallowing in dread.
I’m immediately whisked
Away to greet dreams
In a place where nothing
Is quite like it seems.
Pillow, sweet pillow,
Don’t leave me this night
For you are the comfort
That makes me feel light.
Pillow, sweet pillow,
In the depth of my sleep
I ate a 5-pound marshmallow
So, you, I no longer keep.
You disappeared the next morning,
It’s not quite clear where,
But I hear you each night
In my tummy as you tear.
11/20/12

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Kittens.

by ~sarcasmaholic, Feb 26, 2009, 12:22:45 AM
Literature / Poetry / Humor / Traditional Fixed Forms

Kittens are evil I tell you, it’s true!
With fur made of Velcro and super glue.
Their big yellow eyes are poison no doubt
And they hack and they gag ‘til their insides are out.
They paw and they claw and they shred all your stuff,
They’ll reduce your couch to wood splinters and fluff.
They cough and they purr and they hiss and they mew,
And if you aren’t careful they’ll scratch you up too.
But one thing so bad it can top all of that:
When a kitten grows up it turns into a CAT.

Kittens.by ~sarcasmaholic

Literature / Poetry / Humor / Traditional Fixed Forms

I am a dog person, enough said.

~gohyinghui Aug 13, 2009 Student Photographer

I hate cats too, kittens are okay. But they tend to be unpredictable sometimes!

I'm actually anything but a cat person!

~relikstheblue Mar 30, 2009

i love this soo cute

good work

i love cats but mine are sooo fond of shredding my papers...

~sarcasmaholic Mar 30, 2009

Thank you. I don't mind cats, but I am more of a dog person. Cats seem to be fond of shredding my face.

And thanks for the fave!

~relikstheblue Mar 31, 2009

lol np

~DuckOfDeath Feb 26, 2009

Aw. You disappoint me.

But, it's not a bad effort, in the Dr. Seuss vein.

~sarcasmaholic Feb 27, 2009

Why do I disappoint?

~DuckOfDeath Feb 27, 2009

Cat haters are always a disappointment, but especially when it's a person I like.

~sarcasmaholic Feb 28, 2009

I had a cat claw at my face while I was sleeping and it scared the crap out of me. They have made me kind of uneasy ever since. I wrote this as a joke for my boyfriend as he is a die-hard cat lover.

~DuckOfDeath Feb 28, 2009

Yeah, that would be pretty disturbing. But most cats just want to be loved, same as dogs.

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